Alas, A Tween Missyism

Once upon a time, in a state far, far, away, there was a pre-teen named Missy. Missy lived in the beautiful state of Hawaii where there was no such thing as “fake-n-bake” tans, fore everyone soaked up the sun’s rays naturally. A tween in Hawaii is distracted with many important things, such as keeping finger and toe nails polished as all the outdoor rough and tumble play like climbing Plumeria trees or engaging in water fights kept feet looking pretty gnarly if not kept polished.

In Hawaii, Missy lived in ‘on-base’ housing. Anyone who has ever been exposed to military housing knows that, just like in off-base housing, things in the house can break. Luckily, up to this point in Missy’s life, she had never been exposed to a toilet that over-flows. Unluckily for Missy’s mom, up to this point in Missy’s life, she had never been exposed to toilet that overflows.

It was New Year’s Eve. Missy had an exciting night of babysitting the neighborhood kids ahead of her. It was pivotal that her fingernails got painted wacky and wild colors for this landmark occasion. Missy’s parents, and all of the other parents on the block, had an exciting night of partying ahead of them. New Year’s Eve was always a formal affair for Missy’s parents and her mom would wear dresses that resembled Vanna White. Missy, on the other hand, wore outfits that resembled Punky Brewster!

So, on this exciting New Year’s Eve day Missy found herself home alone. She wondered what to do. The floors didn’t need vaccuming. There were no friends to talk to on the phone. All of the dishes were loaded in the dishwasher…so, Missy decided to paint her fingernails! But, before doing so, Missy had to go to the bathroom. She did her business and flushed the toilet. As she was washing her hands, she looked down at the toilet that was still running. The water in the toilet was rising! “OH NO!” Missy thought! She didn’t know what to do! She jiggled the handle on the toilet. That did no good. Now, Missy started to panic, that internal panic where a knot begins to form in your stomach and you’re in denial about the catastrophe that’s about to enfold right in front of you! She jiggled the handle again, waited a few seconds, and nothing changed. Now, water began flowing over the sides of the toilet and running down to the floor. Not wanting to get wet, Missy backed out of the bathroom and stood there, staring at the toilet geyser, praying, literally praying, that the water would stop running. The entire bathroom floor was now covered in water. She didn’t know what to do. She shut the door. Missy thought that would prevent water from flowing into the hallway. She ran to get paper towels. When she got back to the bathroom, the toilet had stopped overflowing. PHEW! What a relief! But, Missy was still left with a flooded bathroom floor. She started ripping paper towels off of the role and began placing them on the floor, attempting to soak up the water. They did absolutely no good! The paper towels did not make one bit of difference. Missy shut the bathroom door. She didn’t know what else to do. “I know,” she thought, “I’ll paint my fingernails and maybe something will come to me.”

So, Missy went out to the lanai and began painting each fingernail a different color, hoping she would channel her Fairy Godmother and know how to clean up the lake in the bathroom. While Missy was concentrating hard on her nails, her mom got home. Missy told her mom what had happened and showed her the bathroom. All Missy remembers after that is her mom, who was now exasperated, scoffed, “You’ve just been sitting here, painting your nails?!” Missy, totally unaffected, explained, “I didn’t know what to do, MOM!” Her mom, thinking this is the last thing she needed to deal with before getting ready for her New Year’s Eve party, said in her high pitch shrill, “You get a towel…YOU CLEAN IT UP!”


There are days when I still feel like that little girl, staring at the lake in the bathroom, totally perplexed and not knowing what the heck to do!

Do my nails still look good, you ask?

Ah, you get it!

Of course they do!