My DELISH Sunday

Last weekend was the type of weekend that all folks who work Monday through Friday dream about...it was a THREE DAY WEEKEND! Whoo-hoo! Crack open a bottle of champagne!

My Sunday began as one of the most perfect Sunday's in the world!

This year, for whatever reason, I have been on a "Pretty Woman," kick. When I have time to watch a DVD I pick, you guessed it, "Pretty Woman." When I catch it on TV, the world stops evolving, the tables don't get dusted, the floors don't get vacuumed, my clothes don't get put away. All I do is snuggle up on my comfy red microfiber couch and indulge in the entertainment that is "Pretty Woman."

So, Sunday morning, at the ripe ol' hour of 11:30AM, I drag myself out of bed, make my way to my red, over-sized, over-stuffed microfiber chair, grab the remote control and turn on the TV. There is a message on the TV. It reads something like, "This film has been formatted from it's original version. It has been formatted to fit the screen of your TV, yadda-yadda-yadda."

I thought, "Hmmm...did I leave a DVD in last night?" I can't remember...

Then, the screen changes and the Touchtone pictures' emblem slides across the TV.

"Could it be," I anxiously wondered...

AND IT WAS!

"Pretty Woman," was just beginning! I was in Heaven...this Sunday was going to be PERFECT! I just knew it!

Well, as most of you know, tis the season of football! Whoo-hoo! It's my favorite season! But, there is one thing that I don't love about football. Actually, it's one person. And, if you know me, you know who that person is and as much as it pains me, physically causes me pain, to type his name here on MY BLOG, I feel I have to, to let you know who I am referring to, in case you don't follow my football ramblings.

His name is tom brady.

I don't capitalize his name because I don't think he deserves it.

I just vomited in my mouth a little. Just from having to type that loathsome name.

So, imagine my horror, disgust, shock when a commercial comes on in the middle of my movie featuring none other that the big scum sucking baby himself, TB...coincidentally, the same initials as the communicable disease, Tuberculosis. Hmmmm, go figure.

The worse part is, this person, TB (I can capitalize his initials because they are a communicable disease) is now a spokesperson for my cable company!

OH FOR SHAME!

Comcast doesn't know it yet, but they made a big mistake...big...huge! I just might switch cable companies!

The movie starts again and I calm myself down and get lost in the world of rich, handsome businessmen who sweep women off their feet. Then, my phone rings. It's my Grandma. We start talking football, of course, tis the season. I happen to mention my favorite player on the Miami Dolphins.

That's when my Grandma hit me with a blow. The kind of blow that needs to come from a grandparent or one won't be able to take it, one's world will come crashing down and fall apart.

My favorite player on the Miami Dolphins, Jason Taylor, has...

*sniff, sniff* I can't bear to type it...

...has left the Dolphins and now plays for the NY Jets!

OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED IN NFL FOOTBALL, LAWSIE MERCY, I HAVE A FREAKEN MIAMI DOLPHIN JASON TAYLOR JERSEY, WHAT IN THE H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS AM I GOING TO DO WITH THAT NOW? HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?

My grandma hung up on me.

No, not really, it was pretty much an estrogen cry fest after that.

To cheer both of us up, I informed her that our glorious Dolphins would be playing Monday night football on Oct 4 and I wanted her and whoever else wanted to watch it, to come to my house for game night. To confirm I was correct about the October 4th date, I went to espn.com to check it out.

Just when I thought the day couldn't possibly get any worse, when I clicked the link for the Monday night October 4 football game, I was taken to a page that had guess-who's big, ugly mug staring right at me?!?!

Did you guess TB?

UGH.

TB was trying to taint my perfect Sunday. I was all kaflootzed. I made my way to the freezer. When I opened the door, let me tell you, the clouds parted, angels began singing, and a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Polar Swirl sat waiting underneath the prettiest spot-light you've ever seen.

I snatched the ice-cream goodness out of the freezer, curled up in my red over-sized, over-stuffed microfiber chair and immersed myself in the world that is "Pretty Woman," forgetting all of my football woes.

The world would be a happy, happy place for another few hours.

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!?!?!?!