Like a lot of high-schoolers, I had the honor and privilege of wearing braces. I really loathed my braces…even though every couple of months I was able to pick wonderful, new colorful rubber bands to adorn the brackets! UGH. I would have much rather been able to pick out wonderful, new bracelets to adorn my wrists than colorful rubber bands to adorn my teeth!
I am not a big fan of the dentist. Who is? I had to visit the orthodontist regularly though, so it became no big deal. In fact, I got so used to going to my orthodontist that one afternoon, before an appointment, I decided to have a snack! For whatever reason, we had Oreo Cookies in the house. We didn’t have a lot of junk food around when I was a kid. I didn’t grow up with Kool-Aid, I had to drink milk with dinner; so, why we had Oreos in the house that day I will never know. Oh, how I love Oreo Cookies dipped in milk! I savored each and every one before this orthodontist appointment because as sure as the sky is blue, my mouth would be sore afterwards and eating would not be pleasurable!
Unfortunately, at this orthodontist appointment, the doctor was taking impressions. Impressions are when a humungous metal shoe-horse shaped thing, only deeper that a shoe-horse, gets filled with clay and shoved in your mouth to get an impression of your teeth. It has to sit in your mouth for a few minutes and it is one of the worst experiences on the face of this earth! Because, as sure as the sky is blue, you will surely gag when that big metal thing filled with clay is shoved under the top row of your teeth and roof of your mouth. Worse even, is that you are lying down on your back when said torture occurs!
So, why, prêt ell, did I think it was OK to eat Oreo Cookies right before my appointment, I will never know! As soon as the impression contraption settled in my mouth I began to gag. My orthodontist tried to talk me down off this dangerous ledge I was teetering, telling me to breathe in and out of my nose, to relax, to take deep breaths, etc. etc. None of it helped. I couldn’t control the gagging; I could feel the Oreo Cookies from earlier rising to the back of my throat. Fear and panic began taking over me. Before I knew it, Oreo Cookies began shooting out of my mouth, straight up in the air, like a geyser exploding! I will never, ever forget that sight, laying on my back, looking up, and seeing an Oreo cookie fountain shooting out of my mouth. If it wasn’t so disgusting, it would have been pretty. What goes up must come down and pretty soon, I was bathed in Oreo Cookie “Blizzard”, all over my neck, running down my shirt. Lovely, freaken lovely! Not to mention my embarrassment! I was beyond mortified!
When my regurgitation let up, I was ushered into the bathroom where I attempted to make myself presentable enough to vacate the premises. The commotion must have been a little noisy because to my horror, as I exited the building through the waiting room (apparently there were no rear exits) all patrons sat erect and wide-eyed, with all eyes on me. The only icing on this cake was that I did not trip and fall flat on my face while partially covered in half digested Oreos right in front of an entire waiting room full of people! As soon as I got home, I cleansed myself in the shower, one of the most cleansing showers of my life.
Life lesson learned- Never eat Oreo Cookies before going to the orthodontist, dentist, oral surgeon, etc!
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