Why I Don't Cook Part 6,423

The other evening Dave and I were making spaghetti. He calls it goulash. I call it spaghetti. Just FYI.

We make spagoulash like every other American family. I buy a big ol' jar of Prego (traditional, of course), ground turkey and whole wheat pasta.

What?

Every American family doesn't make spagoulash that way?

Pish-posh!

The ground turkey was browned to perfection and the noodles had just been drained. At this juncture in our cooking extravaganza I informed Dave that I had this under control, I got it, I did not need his help and he could go sit down (I'm such a good cook I don't like people watching me. Yea, that's it...)

I got a lil' cocky.

I'm the daughter of a fighter pilot, it happens.

The noodles were back in the pot and I picked up the frying pan to dump the ground turkey in with the pasta. I gently tipped the frying pan on it's side, over the pot of noodles and then, with my black plastic spatula that has a corner missing because I once tried to use it to flip a pancake in a frying pan, thus melting the plastic, I began pushing the ground turkey towards the edge of the frying pan.

I had planned on the ground turkey falling gracefully into the hot pot of noodles.

I had not planned on the ground turkey going all over the stove, under the burner, down the front of the oven and all over the kitchen floor.

CRAP, I thought. Crap, Crap, CRAP! I could feel Dave's eyes rolling behind me.

I cringed as I began to hear him speak.

"You don't have finesse. You strong arm everything when you cook."

And then he chuckled.

Finesse? FINESSE? I've known Dave for ten years. In ten years, Dave has never once uttered the word finesse. Finesse is the type of word that I expect to hear from a male hair dresser whose wardrobe and shoes are far superior to mine...not from my husband...describing the reason for my kitchen catastrophes!

Lack finesse...

Hmmm...sigh...yep, I guess I do, lack finesse, but... only when it comes to cooking, baby!

I then preceded to laugh at my husband for using the word finesse. Wide-eyed and innocent he acted astonished by my amusement and he informed me that he indeed has quite a large vocabulary and that he is not 'eyegnorant'! Ahhh, victory was mine again! And, I will have you know, my 'strong arm' came in very handy when picking up all of the spilled ground turkey and his 'eyegnorance' didn't help a bit!