Ah, the lessons we learn in child-hood, the priceless lessons we learn, that stick with us forever. Growing up is such a joy, isn't it? It never sucks, ya never have to learn anything the hard way...it's a breeze...NOT!
One Christmas morning, in a land far, far away…I’m just kidding, one Christmas morning, when I was in middle school, all of the children on the block got massive, awesome, super-soaker water guns. Mine was ultra cool! My super-soaker was attached to a backpack that included two containers filled with water. I would never have to stop in the middle of a water war to refill my gun; it was a match made in Heaven!
As soon as the kids on the block were done opening their presents, they congregated and engaged in a huge massive water gun fight.
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.
Kids tease each other; they jest, joke and banter back and forth. One boy, I guess, in my 12 year old humble opinion, took it a little too far. I know that I am the epitome of cool, calm and collected, I never get upset or riled up; so this may shock you, it may just send you right over the edge; but, have to tell you, I lost my cool with this boy! I wish I could remember what that boy did to me; but, as sure as I am that planes fly in the sky, I am sure that it must have been something heinous and awful, like, maybe he snuck up behind and put ice cubes down my shirt, or maybe he stole my new water gun. The jerk! So, at the top of my lungs, I screamed at this boy, “YOOOOOOUUUUUU BASTARD!”
OH FOR SHAME!
We lived in tropical Hawaii at the time, where the temp is always warm…and where everyone, including my parents, kept their windows open…all the time.
As soon as the insult left my lips I heard, “MELISSA ANN SHAW GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!”
No child, NO CHILD, likes to hear all three of their names called! Fear, dread, tummy knots and butterflies immediately replaced my anger.
What had I done, what was wrong, I wondered? I figured that our cat, Dottie, messed up Christmas dinner somehow and that I was needed to help repair the damage…cause my 12 year old culinary skills were far superior to anyone else in the house.
Stop rolling your eyes please, a girl can dream!
When I got to the house I realized that I was the one in BIG trouble, not my cat. Uh-oh. I hated being in trouble! I was reamed for shouting profanities, at the top of my lungs, on none other than Christmas day! “I didn’t know ‘bastard’ was a bad word,” was my only pitiable defense.
I had to get on my bike and ride all over Hickam Air Force Base until I found the victim of my tongue lashing and apologize.
The victim thought this was all too funny.
I think some kids have tougher skins than adults.
And, I now know that ‘bastard’ is a bad word.
Priceless lessons, I tell ya, priceless!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Weekend-In-Review
1. On Saturday, a heavy, heavy box fell on my head…I feel like I have whiplash. That’s what I get for trying to organize. Sheesh.
2. I must print a retraction. In my story, “Alas, A Tween Missyism,” I wrote that my mom said something, “in her high pitch shrill.” I did not do justice in describing the situation. My mom does not have a “high pitch shrill.” On that fateful New Year’s Eve Day in what seems like a million years ago, my Mom, astonished by my lack of action, merely exclaimed that I get a towel and clean up the mess. The way I described the situation made it sound like my mom flew off the handle…that was actually not the case…she was more flabbergasted (and slightly amused) that I did not clean up the mess and instead, painted my nails.
3. My mom has no recollection of the above event...at all! That is too funny!
4. I am not going to make it a habit of printing retractions. I do it for my mom, who I hold in the highest of esteem...and in lieu of Mother's Day!
4. One of the best things that happened to me this weekend: these new Sex-and-the-City-FABULOUS shoes…that were 80% off the retail price! Oh Yea!
2. I must print a retraction. In my story, “Alas, A Tween Missyism,” I wrote that my mom said something, “in her high pitch shrill.” I did not do justice in describing the situation. My mom does not have a “high pitch shrill.” On that fateful New Year’s Eve Day in what seems like a million years ago, my Mom, astonished by my lack of action, merely exclaimed that I get a towel and clean up the mess. The way I described the situation made it sound like my mom flew off the handle…that was actually not the case…she was more flabbergasted (and slightly amused) that I did not clean up the mess and instead, painted my nails.
3. My mom has no recollection of the above event...at all! That is too funny!
4. I am not going to make it a habit of printing retractions. I do it for my mom, who I hold in the highest of esteem...and in lieu of Mother's Day!
4. One of the best things that happened to me this weekend: these new Sex-and-the-City-FABULOUS shoes…that were 80% off the retail price! Oh Yea!
5. Irony (or luck): The result of me attempting to organize this weekend was that I found my two ice/heating pads (they can be put in the freezer or in the micorwave); so, while I gave myself whiplash by letting a box fall on my head...I was also able to give myself relief!
Could you please wipe that look of horror off your face! :0
Yes, we've now lived in the house for 8 months.
Yes, I'm still unpacking boxes!
It gets even better, though...
...some of the boxes that I unpacked...were boxes from when I lived in my apartment...
...boxes that never got unpacked at my last house, the duplex! (Boxes that have been pakced for 5 years!)
OH FOR SHAME! :0
I wonder what other treasures I'll find???!!! Getting whiplash sure isn't giving me any incentive to find out!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Random Things I Think About
Do you ever think about things like this? I do…a lot…when I’m driving by myself or when I’m in the shower…
- Someone, somewhere in this world, is going to fall in love today. A good love. A love deserved. A passionate love. A great love.
- Today is someone’s wedding day.
- Someone, somewhere, will have the time of their life tonight.
- Someone, somewhere, is going to get proposed to today.
It’s easy to take these thoughts and turn them into sad thoughts because as many great things occur to people, not so great things will also occur to people; the nightly news reminds us of that. I try not to think about those thoughts…but, the thoughts above, I find so intriguing! It reminds me that there are events occurring in other people’s lives that are bigger than me. Does that make sense? We get so wrapped up in our lives, our world, but we’re really just such a small piece of the equation…there’s just as much going on in other people’s lives, people we don’t even know (people we’ll never know), great things. I think it’s neat to think about that.
All of us have had some great times- our epic nights, our great events…things we wish we could go back and do over and over again. It’s exciting to think that those things are happening to other people right now, as I’m sitting here, by myself, on a Friday night, not out partying, just having some quiet time, writing for your reading pleasure (and writing for my pleasure) that while I am doing this, something incredible, exciting, exhilarating, is happening in someone else’s life right now.
That’s pretty cool.
- Someone, somewhere in this world, is going to fall in love today. A good love. A love deserved. A passionate love. A great love.
- Today is someone’s wedding day.
- Someone, somewhere, will have the time of their life tonight.
- Someone, somewhere, is going to get proposed to today.
It’s easy to take these thoughts and turn them into sad thoughts because as many great things occur to people, not so great things will also occur to people; the nightly news reminds us of that. I try not to think about those thoughts…but, the thoughts above, I find so intriguing! It reminds me that there are events occurring in other people’s lives that are bigger than me. Does that make sense? We get so wrapped up in our lives, our world, but we’re really just such a small piece of the equation…there’s just as much going on in other people’s lives, people we don’t even know (people we’ll never know), great things. I think it’s neat to think about that.
All of us have had some great times- our epic nights, our great events…things we wish we could go back and do over and over again. It’s exciting to think that those things are happening to other people right now, as I’m sitting here, by myself, on a Friday night, not out partying, just having some quiet time, writing for your reading pleasure (and writing for my pleasure) that while I am doing this, something incredible, exciting, exhilarating, is happening in someone else’s life right now.
That’s pretty cool.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Billion Dollar Idea!
I went to the store last night because I needed more deodorant. (You’re welcome.) The store did not have the deodorant that I typically use; so, I was presented with the daunting task of, you guessed it, picking out a new deodorant! Did you know there are at least 50 different kinds of deodorants?! Different scents, different roll-on capabilities; some are solid, some are gel. They all promise to roll-on invisible, too; but, c’mon, how many times have you seen someone wearing one of the “roll on invisible deodorants” with a bunch of white flakes in their armpits! Or, how many times have you smelled someone’s body odor? Obviously, they weren’t wearing a strong enough deodorant. On the flip side, how many times have smelled nothing BUT someone’s deodorant?!
See, it’s a daunting task. Will this one REALLY roll on invisible? Will that one smell TOO strong? Will this one DO the job? And then, all of the commercials jingles start running through my head , “Sure...Unsure!”
It’s a daunting task, picking out a new deodorant when you’re perfectly happy with the one you typically use.
This made me think: I wonder what type of deodorant Joann uses? I wonder what Jennifer uses? (I think it’s Dove.) Paula? Michelle? Robin? Sandra Bullock? Oprah? Hmmm… I decided it would be weird for me to call them with such a question; so, I put on my big-girl panties and made the decision all by myself…so far so good, thank you very much! But, this lead me to conclude that girls, women, teens, females, whoever, need a little hand book that gives them such guidance. The handbook could include helpful information such as whether solid deodorants really do dry invisible and if they do, name the brands. I’m serious. A whole helpful book should be written and provided to women so when they find themselves in such perilous situations they have an answer readily available…because, of course, such a book would be pocket size so it would easily fit in one’s purse.
Other topics could include; hairdryers- go cheap or buy the best; bras- which brands have straps that will slip off your shoulder and which will stay securely in place.
Maybe I should take it upon myself to write said book! Yea, right! I believe, though, that a book like that could get filled up so quickly with important tid-bits that it would sell like hot-cakes…how fast do hot-cakes sell, anyway? If you’re trying to lose weight like me, then they probably don’t sell very fast. Hmmm…
See, it’s a daunting task. Will this one REALLY roll on invisible? Will that one smell TOO strong? Will this one DO the job? And then, all of the commercials jingles start running through my head , “Sure...Unsure!”
It’s a daunting task, picking out a new deodorant when you’re perfectly happy with the one you typically use.
This made me think: I wonder what type of deodorant Joann uses? I wonder what Jennifer uses? (I think it’s Dove.) Paula? Michelle? Robin? Sandra Bullock? Oprah? Hmmm… I decided it would be weird for me to call them with such a question; so, I put on my big-girl panties and made the decision all by myself…so far so good, thank you very much! But, this lead me to conclude that girls, women, teens, females, whoever, need a little hand book that gives them such guidance. The handbook could include helpful information such as whether solid deodorants really do dry invisible and if they do, name the brands. I’m serious. A whole helpful book should be written and provided to women so when they find themselves in such perilous situations they have an answer readily available…because, of course, such a book would be pocket size so it would easily fit in one’s purse.
Other topics could include; hairdryers- go cheap or buy the best; bras- which brands have straps that will slip off your shoulder and which will stay securely in place.
Maybe I should take it upon myself to write said book! Yea, right! I believe, though, that a book like that could get filled up so quickly with important tid-bits that it would sell like hot-cakes…how fast do hot-cakes sell, anyway? If you’re trying to lose weight like me, then they probably don’t sell very fast. Hmmm…
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Alas, A Tween Missyism
Once upon a time, in a state far, far, away, there was a pre-teen named Missy. Missy lived in the beautiful state of Hawaii where there was no such thing as “fake-n-bake” tans, fore everyone soaked up the sun’s rays naturally. A tween in Hawaii is distracted with many important things, such as keeping finger and toe nails polished as all the outdoor rough and tumble play like climbing Plumeria trees or engaging in water fights kept feet looking pretty gnarly if not kept polished.
In Hawaii, Missy lived in ‘on-base’ housing. Anyone who has ever been exposed to military housing knows that, just like in off-base housing, things in the house can break. Luckily, up to this point in Missy’s life, she had never been exposed to a toilet that over-flows. Unluckily for Missy’s mom, up to this point in Missy’s life, she had never been exposed to toilet that overflows.
It was New Year’s Eve. Missy had an exciting night of babysitting the neighborhood kids ahead of her. It was pivotal that her fingernails got painted wacky and wild colors for this landmark occasion. Missy’s parents, and all of the other parents on the block, had an exciting night of partying ahead of them. New Year’s Eve was always a formal affair for Missy’s parents and her mom would wear dresses that resembled Vanna White. Missy, on the other hand, wore outfits that resembled Punky Brewster!
So, on this exciting New Year’s Eve day Missy found herself home alone. She wondered what to do. The floors didn’t need vaccuming. There were no friends to talk to on the phone. All of the dishes were loaded in the dishwasher…so, Missy decided to paint her fingernails! But, before doing so, Missy had to go to the bathroom. She did her business and flushed the toilet. As she was washing her hands, she looked down at the toilet that was still running. The water in the toilet was rising! “OH NO!” Missy thought! She didn’t know what to do! She jiggled the handle on the toilet. That did no good. Now, Missy started to panic, that internal panic where a knot begins to form in your stomach and you’re in denial about the catastrophe that’s about to enfold right in front of you! She jiggled the handle again, waited a few seconds, and nothing changed. Now, water began flowing over the sides of the toilet and running down to the floor. Not wanting to get wet, Missy backed out of the bathroom and stood there, staring at the toilet geyser, praying, literally praying, that the water would stop running. The entire bathroom floor was now covered in water. She didn’t know what to do. She shut the door. Missy thought that would prevent water from flowing into the hallway. She ran to get paper towels. When she got back to the bathroom, the toilet had stopped overflowing. PHEW! What a relief! But, Missy was still left with a flooded bathroom floor. She started ripping paper towels off of the role and began placing them on the floor, attempting to soak up the water. They did absolutely no good! The paper towels did not make one bit of difference. Missy shut the bathroom door. She didn’t know what else to do. “I know,” she thought, “I’ll paint my fingernails and maybe something will come to me.”
So, Missy went out to the lanai and began painting each fingernail a different color, hoping she would channel her Fairy Godmother and know how to clean up the lake in the bathroom. While Missy was concentrating hard on her nails, her mom got home. Missy told her mom what had happened and showed her the bathroom. All Missy remembers after that is her mom, who was now exasperated, scoffed, “You’ve just been sitting here, painting your nails?!” Missy, totally unaffected, explained, “I didn’t know what to do, MOM!” Her mom, thinking this is the last thing she needed to deal with before getting ready for her New Year’s Eve party, said in her high pitch shrill, “You get a towel…YOU CLEAN IT UP!”
There are days when I still feel like that little girl, staring at the lake in the bathroom, totally perplexed and not knowing what the heck to do!
Do my nails still look good, you ask?
Ah, you get it!
Of course they do!
In Hawaii, Missy lived in ‘on-base’ housing. Anyone who has ever been exposed to military housing knows that, just like in off-base housing, things in the house can break. Luckily, up to this point in Missy’s life, she had never been exposed to a toilet that over-flows. Unluckily for Missy’s mom, up to this point in Missy’s life, she had never been exposed to toilet that overflows.
It was New Year’s Eve. Missy had an exciting night of babysitting the neighborhood kids ahead of her. It was pivotal that her fingernails got painted wacky and wild colors for this landmark occasion. Missy’s parents, and all of the other parents on the block, had an exciting night of partying ahead of them. New Year’s Eve was always a formal affair for Missy’s parents and her mom would wear dresses that resembled Vanna White. Missy, on the other hand, wore outfits that resembled Punky Brewster!
So, on this exciting New Year’s Eve day Missy found herself home alone. She wondered what to do. The floors didn’t need vaccuming. There were no friends to talk to on the phone. All of the dishes were loaded in the dishwasher…so, Missy decided to paint her fingernails! But, before doing so, Missy had to go to the bathroom. She did her business and flushed the toilet. As she was washing her hands, she looked down at the toilet that was still running. The water in the toilet was rising! “OH NO!” Missy thought! She didn’t know what to do! She jiggled the handle on the toilet. That did no good. Now, Missy started to panic, that internal panic where a knot begins to form in your stomach and you’re in denial about the catastrophe that’s about to enfold right in front of you! She jiggled the handle again, waited a few seconds, and nothing changed. Now, water began flowing over the sides of the toilet and running down to the floor. Not wanting to get wet, Missy backed out of the bathroom and stood there, staring at the toilet geyser, praying, literally praying, that the water would stop running. The entire bathroom floor was now covered in water. She didn’t know what to do. She shut the door. Missy thought that would prevent water from flowing into the hallway. She ran to get paper towels. When she got back to the bathroom, the toilet had stopped overflowing. PHEW! What a relief! But, Missy was still left with a flooded bathroom floor. She started ripping paper towels off of the role and began placing them on the floor, attempting to soak up the water. They did absolutely no good! The paper towels did not make one bit of difference. Missy shut the bathroom door. She didn’t know what else to do. “I know,” she thought, “I’ll paint my fingernails and maybe something will come to me.”
So, Missy went out to the lanai and began painting each fingernail a different color, hoping she would channel her Fairy Godmother and know how to clean up the lake in the bathroom. While Missy was concentrating hard on her nails, her mom got home. Missy told her mom what had happened and showed her the bathroom. All Missy remembers after that is her mom, who was now exasperated, scoffed, “You’ve just been sitting here, painting your nails?!” Missy, totally unaffected, explained, “I didn’t know what to do, MOM!” Her mom, thinking this is the last thing she needed to deal with before getting ready for her New Year’s Eve party, said in her high pitch shrill, “You get a towel…YOU CLEAN IT UP!”
There are days when I still feel like that little girl, staring at the lake in the bathroom, totally perplexed and not knowing what the heck to do!
Do my nails still look good, you ask?
Ah, you get it!
Of course they do!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Miscellaneous Monday
1. In order to achieve balance in life, one has to be secure, because to achieve balance means you’re letting some things go, which can cause anxiety for some…and a plethora of other emotions I am sure; so, striving to achieve balance could be a really, really difficult feat for some.
2. I was telling Dave about a TV show I saw where a married couple and the wife’s parents all lived in the same house. A TV crew came to their home along with a “life coach” to try and help the family. One of the first exercises the life coach tasked the family with was for each of the 4 adults to describe the others in just one word. Everyone was playing nice and all of the adults received adoring accolades until it was the husband’s turn! He used very pleasant words to describe his mother-in-law and father-in-law; but unfortunately, the word he used to describe his wife was ‘Nag’! Needless to say, the wife began crying and the stage was set for the life coach.
When I was done telling Dave about this and about how mean I thought the husband’s small-minded description of his wife was, Dave, after a quiet moment of thought, said, “My word for you is, ‘loving’.”
Awww
It's those surprising, out of the blue moments that can mean more than a boquet of flowers or a box chocolates.
OK, well, maybe nothing means more than chocolate; but, this came close! HA, just kiddin!
2. I was telling Dave about a TV show I saw where a married couple and the wife’s parents all lived in the same house. A TV crew came to their home along with a “life coach” to try and help the family. One of the first exercises the life coach tasked the family with was for each of the 4 adults to describe the others in just one word. Everyone was playing nice and all of the adults received adoring accolades until it was the husband’s turn! He used very pleasant words to describe his mother-in-law and father-in-law; but unfortunately, the word he used to describe his wife was ‘Nag’! Needless to say, the wife began crying and the stage was set for the life coach.
When I was done telling Dave about this and about how mean I thought the husband’s small-minded description of his wife was, Dave, after a quiet moment of thought, said, “My word for you is, ‘loving’.”
Awww
It's those surprising, out of the blue moments that can mean more than a boquet of flowers or a box chocolates.
OK, well, maybe nothing means more than chocolate; but, this came close! HA, just kiddin!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
5 Things
1. When I am by myself I am content because I feel like the people in my life are a blanket that keeps me snug all of the time.
Awwww…
2. I have a horrible, no good, very bad habit. About once a year or every other year, I…I...I charge stuff to my credit card! There, I said it! Phew! I go on a spending spree! My Dad and Suze Orman would be so very, very disappointed. It would not be so bad if I didn’t have credit card debt. In my defense, I do not buy frivolous items; I buy household items, like curtains, so people can’t see me naked. In all reality, I’m doing society a favor.
3. I had a revelation the other day that I have never made a casserole!
4. Did you know that I know how to knit? You know, *sigh* knitting is the reason I feel better about myself. I can’t hem curtains, I can’t cook, I can’t sew…but, for the love of all things chocolate, I can knit! I can knit you a scarf that will help keep you warm, that will provide you comfort! What does cooking do, I ask? It provides you with short term pleasure. OK, so it’s life sustaining short-term pleasure…BIG WHOOP! I can provide YOU with long term warmth. It’s my saving grace, really.
...But, I do love to eat!
5. I met Dave for the first time at Dairy Queen. He was wearing wrangler jeans with a belt that had a huge belt buckle. Looking back, that makes me chuckle because that is so not my husband!
Awwww…
2. I have a horrible, no good, very bad habit. About once a year or every other year, I…I...I charge stuff to my credit card! There, I said it! Phew! I go on a spending spree! My Dad and Suze Orman would be so very, very disappointed. It would not be so bad if I didn’t have credit card debt. In my defense, I do not buy frivolous items; I buy household items, like curtains, so people can’t see me naked. In all reality, I’m doing society a favor.
3. I had a revelation the other day that I have never made a casserole!
4. Did you know that I know how to knit? You know, *sigh* knitting is the reason I feel better about myself. I can’t hem curtains, I can’t cook, I can’t sew…but, for the love of all things chocolate, I can knit! I can knit you a scarf that will help keep you warm, that will provide you comfort! What does cooking do, I ask? It provides you with short term pleasure. OK, so it’s life sustaining short-term pleasure…BIG WHOOP! I can provide YOU with long term warmth. It’s my saving grace, really.
...But, I do love to eat!
5. I met Dave for the first time at Dairy Queen. He was wearing wrangler jeans with a belt that had a huge belt buckle. Looking back, that makes me chuckle because that is so not my husband!
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