I Didn't Know 'Bastard' was A Bad Word!

Ah, the lessons we learn in child-hood, the priceless lessons we learn, that stick with us forever. Growing up is such a joy, isn't it? It never sucks, ya never have to learn anything the hard way...it's a breeze...NOT!

One Christmas morning, in a land far, far away…I’m just kidding, one Christmas morning, when I was in middle school, all of the children on the block got massive, awesome, super-soaker water guns. Mine was ultra cool! My super-soaker was attached to a backpack that included two containers filled with water. I would never have to stop in the middle of a water war to refill my gun; it was a match made in Heaven!

As soon as the kids on the block were done opening their presents, they congregated and engaged in a huge massive water gun fight.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

Kids tease each other; they jest, joke and banter back and forth. One boy, I guess, in my 12 year old humble opinion, took it a little too far. I know that I am the epitome of cool, calm and collected, I never get upset or riled up; so this may shock you, it may just send you right over the edge; but, have to tell you, I lost my cool with this boy! I wish I could remember what that boy did to me; but, as sure as I am that planes fly in the sky, I am sure that it must have been something heinous and awful, like, maybe he snuck up behind and put ice cubes down my shirt, or maybe he stole my new water gun. The jerk! So, at the top of my lungs, I screamed at this boy, “YOOOOOOUUUUUU BASTARD!”

OH FOR SHAME!

We lived in tropical Hawaii at the time, where the temp is always warm…and where everyone, including my parents, kept their windows open…all the time.

As soon as the insult left my lips I heard, “MELISSA ANN SHAW GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!”

No child, NO CHILD, likes to hear all three of their names called! Fear, dread, tummy knots and butterflies immediately replaced my anger.

What had I done, what was wrong, I wondered? I figured that our cat, Dottie, messed up Christmas dinner somehow and that I was needed to help repair the damage…cause my 12 year old culinary skills were far superior to anyone else in the house.

Stop rolling your eyes please, a girl can dream!

When I got to the house I realized that I was the one in BIG trouble, not my cat. Uh-oh. I hated being in trouble! I was reamed for shouting profanities, at the top of my lungs, on none other than Christmas day! “I didn’t know ‘bastard’ was a bad word,” was my only pitiable defense.

I had to get on my bike and ride all over Hickam Air Force Base until I found the victim of my tongue lashing and apologize.

The victim thought this was all too funny.

I think some kids have tougher skins than adults.

And, I now know that ‘bastard’ is a bad word.

Priceless lessons, I tell ya, priceless!