How does love turn to hate? At one point, most couples profess their love to each other. At some point, both people usually mean it. So, when that lovely relationship ends, what makes the love turn to hate?
If you read or watch the news, you can’t help but see a story on Kate and/or Jon every now and again. We all know they’re divorced. But, now, it seems they have total spite towards each other. This made me wonder:
How does a couple get from love to spite?
Can you not have love with out hate? Is it an emotion that goes hand-in-hand? Sure, I love Dave and I am happy with our relationship, I would even venture to say we have a good relationship and Dave would too; and sure, he has behaviors that I could say I hate…who doesn’t? But, that doesn’t mean I hate him.
Hmmm…
It just makes me wonder.
When people are in relationships and both report being happy, you can’t help but wonder how one gets from happy to unhappy.
I don’t buy that it is because of a breakdown in communication. I guess I buy the idea that it is a multitude of factors that can end a relationship (lack of communication + lots of stress with no relief + differing thoughts/values/opinions…etc).
It still doesn’t answer my question, thou. How does a couple go from love to hate? Is it because we can’t handle failure so we lash out, blaming the other for the failure of the relationship. In most articles that I’ve read people who are content with their divorce and accept part of the blame do not seem to hate their ex.
Hmmm…
Or, is it the pain? The pain of losing a loved one causes, or leads to, the hate? Anger is a mask for pain. That’s right! This makes sense to me now.
So, my answer to the question; how does love turn to hate, would be, it’s because of the pain. The pain and hurt people feel for losing a person, an entity (the relationship) that they might have enjoyed...someone took that away from them against their will. Children get mad when you take their toys away from them. Why wouldn’t adults get mad when something they enjoy is taken away from them? Anger is a mask for pain. Hate, and being spiteful, might actually be a simpler emotion to handle, rather than dealing with the lonely, gut wrenching, pain of losing a relationship, companionship that you never wanted to be rid of in the first place.
I just love it when I can answer my own questions!
Anger is one of the symptoms a person will experience when grieving from the death of a person or the loss of an important relationship. Also as part of this process one may experience shock, physical symptoms such as sleeplessness and loss of appetite, guilt, or depression. It takes time to work through the pain and heal. I hope anyone suffering from a loss has the love and support of family, friends, clergy, and health professionals.
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