I Forgot the Green Beans!

On Easter Sunday, the one dish that I said I would bring was a Green Bean Casserole…the Green Bean Casserole that I brought to Thanksgiving dinner…the Green Bean Casserole that went over like hot fudge on a sundae…the Green Bean Casserole that I totally, 100% did not bring…the Green Bean Casserole that I did not even make!

OH FOR SHAME!

On Thanksgiving, Missy’s culinary skills blew everyone outta the water! I could read their minds, they were thinking,”Maybe we’re wrong about Missy being a disaster in the kitchen, that girl can make one MEAN green bean casserole!” (Courtesy of Paula, who graciously escorted me through the grocery section of Wal-Mart one year, hand picking the ingredients that I would need.) Lucky for me, the instructions to making the green bean casserole are graciously printed on the box of fried onion thingamajiggies that make the casserole so yummy. Also lucky for me, I included the 1/8 of a teaspoon of pepper that the recipe called for. I thought, “What the heck does 1/8th of a teaspoon of pepper do?”, and I contemplated leaving it out all together. Thankfully, I did not; as I was informed at Thanksgiving by the culinary masters in my family that 1/8th of a teaspoon of pepper is actually velly, velly important!

So, apparently, at some time, I volunteered myself to bring said dish to our Easter dinner. The thought must have left my mind as soon as the volunteer left my mouth. And, it beguiles me as to how my whole freaking family, all 15 of them that were there, KNEW that I was supposed to bring the green bean casserole when I didn’t even know! I know that all 17 of us did not have a sit-down pre-Easter meeting, deciding who would be bringing what…so, being the great detective that I am; I deduced that someone, one of my family members, ratted me out!

I will have you know, though, I did bring a lot of Easter candy for the adults to munch on, as they are too old to receive Easter Baskets from the Easter Bunny! I brought two different assortments of Jelly Beans, chocolate candy, carrot cake cookies, and a delicious strawberry cheesecake for Dave’s birthday…and not one family member was complaining about there not being any green beans as they were shoving junk food down their throats!

Isn’t that more the issue here, folks? My family has a problem. A junk food problem. It’s a serious problem. So serious, in fact, that in an effort to deflect from their addictive tendencies, they sold me out, pretending to be distressed that there were no green beans included in our feast.

What made it all better? How was I able to get through Easter with everyone glaring at me, sending daggers my way, even resorting to picking on my genius football, yes, genius, football knowledge?

Through alcohol consumption…lots and lots of alcohol consumption! Let’s be honest, how can you have a family gathering without it? Shoot, my family even debates whether or not we can have alcohol at our little family bible studies…before you scoff, I’ll have you know, families that pray together, stay together, whether there’s alcohol or not!

Lucky for us, we have a bartender in the family! Every family needs one of those and my family luckily enough actually has a few! Hmmm…I wonder if that’s why we all like each other so much. Nah! So, my bartender brother was there, keeping the drinks flowing as fast as the smack-talking was smacking.

And that, folks, was my very happy and fun Easter/Dave’s Birthday!